Let me love you, but don't love me back. Do love me and let me hate you for a while. Let me feel like I have some control, because I know I never do.

almost everyday, i feel myself becoming less deserving of him and his love. i feel as if i'm being torn between choosing a life and the person my life revolves around. i can't even put my thoughts into proper sentences anymore because everyday i feel like i'm going to be left on my own or that i'm hurting him. two of the things i least want to happen. but maybe it will, it has actually. 

i am such a loser for letting u ruin my life and for always leaving me feeling empty. but i'm scared to say what i really think or feel because i don't want you to go. fucked up fucker. fuck fuck fuck. 

nothing hurts anymore. when i think i'm hurting, i just feel a weird numbing effect spreading throughout my body from my heart. i have had enough of crying days. i don't belong to you, i don't want to belong anywhere else. 

some days, i forget what i live for. on those days, the dam in my chest fills up even more and my head feels like bursting from the things i want to say but i won't.